Taylor's Journal
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March 22, 2010
neato!
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March 01, 2010
Just a Funny
I thought this was Crohn's-Applicable. ;) -
July 06, 2009
A Weekend With My Family
Last night, Matt & I returned from a nice visit to Rich Hill, Missouri. For whatever reason, when it comes to holidays, or really any sort of gathering that involves communication with individuals I have not seen in a length of time, I become extremely anxious and overwhelmed. I have always suffered from depression/anxiety and found [some] relief after confiding in my physician. I am able to cope with daily activites and function normally in my day to day life, but even still, when it comes to seeing family or friends I find the anticipation to be extremely overwhelming. I have told friends of mine, if you want to come over, just come over without calling, if I get a call I tend to freak out and either ignore it, or have a near-panic attack just from the anticipation of having a visitor. Once I find myself IN the situation that I find anxiety provoking, I am usually fine, it is only the anticipation that gets me worked up and put me in a 'fight or flight' state.
For example: I had been SO eager to get to Rich Hill and finally spend some good quality time with my Grandma, Aunt and the rest of my Dad's side of the family, as well as my cousin, Ashli, that I had not seen in almost a year, and the rest of my Mom's side of the family. I had spoken with Ashli earlier in the week to let her know I would be in town. My brother notified my Dad's side of the family that we would be there for lunch on the 4th of July. I was so excited, until I got in the car and started the trip to R.H. My brother was running behind, meaning that we wouldn't be able to walk into my grandma's together, I realized I wouldn't have the moral support of him being there as I faced one of the most anxiety provoking situations I deal with. I started in with Matt, telling him how I wish we could just turn around and go home, how I wish I didn't have to experience the pressures of seeing my family, the forced conversation and putting on a happy face. He reminded me that once I got there, I would be just fine, that I would pick up where we had left off and have no trouble at all. After a few deep breaths and thinking over what Matt had told me, I realized that he was right. That every time I get myself worked up, I realize.. 'That wasn't so bad now was it? ... It was actually, FUN!'.
Sure enough, Matt was right. We walked right into my Grandma's house and were greeted by all of my family members with a warm welcome. Big hugs from Grandma, Aunt Cindy & Uncle Ron, and all of my cousins. I met my new baby cousin, Brooke, for the first time, and told my Grandma all about the trip I have been planning for November. We got to talking about some of Grandma's past trips and before I knew it, Hayden (my brother) came walking through the door. I was just fine without him. I didn't need him to act as a conversation starter or as my shoulder to lean on. By following Matt's advice and reassurance I had a wonderful visit with my family.
After lunch at Grandma's, all of us walked together to the park to watch the parade. In walking through the park, I ran into my cousins, Bruce & Kendra and had a nice talk with them. We finally found my Mom, Stepdad & Stepsisters and sat down, watched the parade, and got pelted with candy. Following the parade we walked to the east side of the park where I bumped into my cousin Ashli, whom I ADORE! After that Matt, Hayden and I rode a few rides then headed back to Mom & Merlin's farm to relax and then later have dinner. We shot off fireworks once it was dark.
Sunday morning I woke up bright and early and had a good breakfast with Mom and my step-niece Addison. Once the boys were up and around we drove into town to get some bait and went off to Aunt Norma Lea and Uncle Walt's to fish in their pond. We had an awesome visit w/ my Aunt & Uncle. Uncle Walt dug out a picture from the fair in Butler from the 70's. It was a picture of Uncle Walt sitting in his souped up tractor at a tractor pull he had crazy sideburns.. or as I like to call them, 'chops'! Aunt Norma Lea gave us a cup full of fish food and we went down and thew it into the gold fish pond. We hopped in the row boat and floated around and caught a good 15 fish.
Overall, I had an AMAZING 4th of July weekend. All of my worries and anxieties were pushed aside and I was able to enjoy spending time with my family. I can't wait to get back down there and see everyone again!!!!!!!
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April 03, 2009
PBS Frontline: Sick Around America (VIDEO)
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/sickaroundamerica/
Click the above link to navigate to the documentary webpage... From there you can get to the documentary and further info on the topic.
Investigating the stories of Americans whose lives have become a quest to find and keep health insurance...
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March 17, 2009
Happy St. Patrick's Day
St. Patrick's Day may be remembered as an Irish Holiday, a day college students get pumped for, an excuse to booze all you want. St. Patrick's Day marks something more significant for me.
3 years ago today, at about this time also, I was on the phone with the restaurant I worked for. I was getting yelled at for the umpteenth time for calling into work. And how selfish, inconsiderate & unthoughtful it was of me to call in on a holiday, and one of our busiest holidays at the bar!
For months before St. Patrick's Day I had been suffering the worst symptoms of my life. A waitress' WORST nightmare. Trying to keep up with my tables, get drinks, refills, anything and everything, darting to the bathroom in between taking orders. Doubling over in pain. If I was nowhere in sight, anyone would know to find me in the back corner of the kitchen sitting on a flipped over 5 gallon bucket trying to numb the pain out just enough to get back to my tables.
St. Patrick's Day marks the day that my employer would finally realize I wasn't faking my sickness, I wasn't over-exaggerating my symptoms. I wasn't playing hookey and calling in for no reason. St. Patrick's Day marks the day I would be admitted to the hospital for almost a month. It marks the day that I would have to quit my job. It marks the day I had to drop out of college. St. Patrick's Day marks the day that my life changed forever.
My Mom tried to get me to the hospital as quickly as possible, trying to find an open street through Kansas City on St. Patrick's Day was a joke. Road Blocks were everywhere we turned, the St. Patrick's Day Parade had the entire city blocks shut down where we needed to get to my hospital. My Mom was forced to flag down a police officer directing traffic to lead us to the hospital.
Instead of going out and getting sloshed with my college buddies, I was lying in a hospital bed. St. Patrick's Day marks the day I wasn't allowed to eat for 2 weeks straight, I wasn't allowed to consume liquids for 2 weeks straight. It marks the day that I began battling for my life, I didn't know when the storm would clear nor did I ever think we would find a way out. St. Patrick's Day also marks the beginning of the new life that I would have to live. It is the starting point, the new me, the Taylor that I have become.
I do not have ill feelings for St. Patrick's Day. If anything, St. Patrick's Day is more significant to me than it ever has been before. This day will forever be a reminder of the journey I have made. I never would have thought this day would come. That I would be in remission. This is a day for me to look back and be thankful for the doctors, the treatments, the medications, my friends, my family and all of those involved in helping me find a way to get well. St. Patrick's Day will be one of the most significant holidays I ever celebrate. It signifies good health, remission and perserverance.
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!